Women-Stop Pushing off your Insecurities on your

As women we all go through experiences that can shape and mold us in ways that are good and bad. If you are someone who is not very observant and wondering why your friends may be frustrated with you or overly defensive, this post is for you. These are a few things that I have observed in my interactions and relationships with women. These three simple tips could help you have longer lasting, healthier relationships with your girlfriends.

1. Stop giving bad relationship advice based off of your past unhealthy relationships

• A lot of times it is hard to take a neutral stance when giving advice about a friend’s relationship. If you are someone who has not had the best experiences with guys, it is okay to help your friends be cautious. It is also okay to let them know that you may not have all the answers. Nobody wants to see a friend get hurt, but do not ruin a friend’s relationship because you are jealous or bitter towards men. Put yourself in your friend’s shoes, tell them what you would want to know and keep their best interest in mind. Making rude comments or making them unsure of their relationship will only cause resentment in the future.

2. Stop making comments about the appearance (hair, makeup, or clothing) of other women because of the constraints you put on yourself

• As women it easy to gossip and talk about others, at some point there comes a time when you have to look at yourself and ask what is it about criticizing the choices of others that makes me feel better? If you aren’t comfortable wearing your hair in a natural afro or locks, don’t criticize the next woman for wearing her fro by making shrewd comments and remarks. Same goes for women who are natural, don’t make ugly comments about women who choose to wear their hair straight or with extensions. If you love wearing a face full of makeup, don’t come at the next woman who just likes to keep it simple. If you don’t want to wear a top with your stomach hanging out the bottom or printed leggings, that is fine, but don’t put others down just in the spirit of being mean!

3. Do not impose your world view on your friends

• As a black woman, I know better than anyone from my interactions with others that self hate is real. There are so many people, particularly non-white people who are not comfortable in their own skin and it shows in the way that they carry themselves and the comments they make about others; constantly looking for the approval of others and following the status quo to be more accepted in a primarily white, male- dominated society. This being said, stop spewing out ignorance! Stop putting limitations on others because of the limitations you have put on yourself. If you have it set in your mind that you can never be the CEO of said company as a Black, Latina, or Asian woman, do not put fear in the heart of your friend who is going for that promotion. Encourage her and reassure her. Instead of saying “they are never gonna make a ___ woman a manager!”, perhaps, say “Go for it, there’s a need for diversity in the leadership at ____ corporation”.

These are just small tips that could help you with your relationships to be more open minded, let’s strive to grow and encourage others by something as simple as the words that we say!

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2am Epiphany

So this is totally random…I could not have titled this post any better. So, I’m not sure if any of my occasional readers are aware of my story and how I became interested in blogging. I have always been a writer at heart but two women in particular that you all may or may not be aware of, Karen Civil and the Infamous Necole Bitchie inspired me to follow my dreams and what I am passionate about.

So tonight I was perusing Instagram, particularly looking on Karen Civil’s page and decided to visit her website. On the website I discovered that she has been doing a “Live Civil College Tour”. I immediately looked up more info and when I saw the dates for December 11th in New York where I have friends and family I knew I had to go!

Suddenly I was overcome with sadness and anxiety out of nowhere. I thought about how this was right after my final exams, how I was already taking off from work to take finals, and not to mention how short notice it would be for me to tell my job. All of these OBLIGATIONS began to weigh me down. Then I went into deep thought about how passionate I was about starting my Blog around this time last year, how I had a whole plan about how I would contact Karen Civil with a whole portfolio of my work and posts and network with other Bloggers all while doing something I loved. Tears welled up in my eyes as I realized that the opportunity to meet someone I admired was quickly approaching and that I was not ready. I had wasted a whole year with OBLIGATIONS like school and work…things that are manifesting themselves as necessary evils in my life.

I am really going to try and make some sacrifices to attend this event. I know it will haunt me if I fail to make this come to fruition. Starting today I am vowing to follow my dreams and not let the drone of day-to-day life turn into a year of unfulfilled goals.

**Necole Bitchie has one story in particular that is really moving. If I can find it I will attach the link below. I started this Blog “Young and Hungry” after reading this compelling post.

http://iamnecole.com/a-lesson-on-being-hungry/

Young & Hungry Artist Feature: Wldflwr

https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/151991083params=auto_play=true&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&visual=truewidth=100%height=300iframe=true/

Wldflwr was born Christiana Harry on December 2, 1992 which explains her great ear and passion for music. (Go 90s babies!) She was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York and refers to herself as Brooklyn’s flower child which is very fitting of her style.Her music has a very free and hippie kind of sound. The name Wldflwr is rooted in her love of the Disney classic Alice in Wonderland: “Do you suppose she’s a wildflower?”.

If I could give a scene to her music it would be reminiscent of an outdoor spring festival where people eat great food, walk around barefoot, and chat over beers while the sun shines with the slightest breeze. Her music is very transparent and allows you to get to know her personally through the stories told in her music. Due to the fact that her music is shaped and molded by her life experiences, the young artist considers herself one of her main influences.

Other influences include Amy Winehouse, Frank Ocean, PartyNextDoor. If you are a a Sza fan I do not doubt that you will become a lover of Wldflwr’s music. She has plans to release her long awaited debut EP album in early winter of 2014 entitled Insecure and Nameless.

Some of my personal favorites include “Run”, Empty”, “Secure”, “Technicolor Lightning” and “Alleviate”, and in that order! Feel free to check her out on YouTube as well as on: https://soundcloud/wldflwrx

May 18, 2014

I am 21 years old, it seems like everybody is “settling down”, or having children…and meanwhile I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that it’s not free to live, I HAVE to pay taxes, and that what little I had of a childhood is now over! As some of you may know I am a Junior in college. I was reading an article the other day on MSN.com that talked about when guys are ready to start making serious commitments. I will try to find the article and include the link. It basically stated that men who are in college generally won’t be ready to “settle down” until after they graduate and have started their careers while those who perhaps went right into working after high school are ready to “settle down” much earlier. Do you all find this true? Why do you think this is? If all of this is true, what I’m hearing is that if there is a “Mr. Right” it is in my best interest to wait for him?? Lol

 

Graduation, what’s next?

Recently, a lot of my friends graduated from college. Many of them are privileged in ways that I am not. For once though, I am not unhappy or comparing myself to them. I am genuinely happy for them, and proud. At the same time I have accepted that I will have to do things differently to get the same results. A lot of them have faced the harsh reality that just because we graduate doesn’t mean that there will be a job and success waiting for us once we walk across that stage. Many, of them are pursuing a Master’s due to the lack of plentiful jobs or simply not being ready to be part of the work world. I realized as I watched my friends receive their diplomas and accolades that I am NOT ready to graduate. I want to experience college for what it really is…the ultimate networking opportunity! I want to really get involved, and work on plans each day that will benefit me whether it’s a business plan or a dream that I want to come to fruition.

I have at least two years and it has been a struggle continuing my education, with no financial support from my family. I was forced to take a semester off due to financial issues and health issues that were onset by stress. I realized that my family has been through so much that to them it seems silly for me to be in school versus working full-time and ultimately I do not have their support or respect. I’m being forced to take a non-traditional route and work full-time hours while in school. It may take me what seems like an eternity to finish but the reward will be that much sweeter.

I recently received a paid internship that is offering great pay, leadership opportunity and possibly credit from my University. It pays even more than my job that barely allows me to pay my rent and leaves eating as a luxury. I never really had faith until this year, I believe in a higher power more than ever. This year is only halfway through and I’ve been to hell and back. Whoever “he/she” is, “He” has helped me along this long and unpaved road…I’m emotional as I write this. When you constantly have people physically and mentally beating you down who are supposed to be your support system and you realize I AM WORTHY…there’s nothing better.

*Note*: I really didn’t want to speak of faith on this blog, and I realize it could deter a lot of people from continuing to read my posts, but something came over me…and I thought who am I to ignore a message that a Higher power wants to be shared. I consider myself more of a spiritual vs. a religious being.

U N P A I D Internships? WTF

We are all thinking it…I’m just willing to speak out on it. As my peers and I are quickly approaching the end of our college careers, Internships have become a hot topic. A lot of schools require students to do some kind of Internship prior to graduation. Jobs are even starting to measure job experience of college graduates by whether or not they have had an Internship which is ironic in itself.

Now, I am all for getting work experience, networking, and all the added benefits that come from Internships, BUT why should anyone (especially a college student) have to do an UNPAID internship?!  College students already have enough stresses such as lack of sleep, having to juggle work and school, dealing with the stresses of taking out loans, and constantly having to penny pinch just to do basic things like eat decently! So now in addition to these stresses, colleges and companies are asking students to sacrifice time out of their hectic schedules to do the same work as the valued employees of their companies with no pay. The mere thought of it is absurd.

Depending on the type of internship, students may actually spend money on transportation to and from the internship as well as housing (if the Internship is in a different location than the college they attend). Not to mention a lot of internships have application fees as well -_-.  The main problem with Unpaid internships is that the type of student that can afford to spend their precious time working for free is the same student that doesn’t need to be afforded anymore opportunities. The economically challenged student is the student that will benefit most from an internship, but just the fact that it is unpaid is what deters these students from even applying. When a student is paying for their own school with no help, it is hard to see how an Internship that won’t even pay minimum wage will benefit them when they could be spending those hours at work making money to pay for their loans, food, apartment costs, gas, books, and other looming costs of attending college.

Signed,

Trinity (A frustrated college student)

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