Please refrain from calling Black women “Girl” or “Gal” at work…
Most of the time people aren’t doing it to be facetious, but something about it resonates negatively with many.
When is it ever really okay to call a grown adult “girl” or “gal” anyway, especially if we AREN’T friends…?
A Black Queen
As women we all go through experiences that can shape and mold us in ways that are good and bad. If you are someone who is not very observant and wondering why your friends may be frustrated with you or overly defensive, this post is for you. These are a few things that I have observed in my interactions and relationships with women. These three simple tips could help you have longer lasting, healthier relationships with your girlfriends.
- Stop giving bad relationship advice based off of your past unhealthy relationships
- A lot of times it is hard to take a neutral stance when giving advice about a friend’s relationship. If you are someone who has not had the best experiences with guys, it is okay to help your friends be cautious. It is also okay to let them know that you may not have all the answers. Nobody wants to see a friend get hurt, but do not ruin a friend’s relationship because you are jealous or bitter towards men. Put yourself in your friend’s shoes, tell them what you would want to know and keep their best interest in mind. Making rude comments or making them unsure of their relationship will only cause resentment in the future.
2. Stop making comments about the appearance (hair, makeup, or clothing) of other women because of the constraints you put on yourself
- As women it easy to gossip and talk about others, at some point there comes a time when you have to look at yourself and ask what is it about criticizing the choices of others that makes me feel better? If you aren’t comfortable wearing your hair in a natural afro or locks, don’t criticize the next woman for wearing her fro by making shrewd comments and remarks. Same goes for women who are natural, don’t make ugly comments about women who choose to wear their hair straight or with extensions. If you love wearing a face full of makeup, don’t come at the next woman who just likes to keep it simple. If you don’t want to wear a top with your stomach hanging out the bottom or printed leggings, that is fine, but don’t put others down just in the spirit of being mean!
3. Do not impose your world view on your friends
- As a black woman, I know better than anyone from my interactions with others that self hate is real. There are so many people, particularly non-white people who are not comfortable in their own skin and it shows in the way that they carry themselves and the comments they make about others; constantly looking for the approval of others and following the status quo to be more accepted in a primarily white, male- dominated society. This being said, stop spewing out ignorance! Stop putting limitations on others because of the limitations you have put on yourself. If you have it set in your mind that you can never be the CEO of said company as a Black, Latina, or Asian woman, do not put fear in the heart of your friend who is going for that promotion. Encourage her and reassure her. Instead of saying “they are never gonna make a ___ woman a manager!”, perhaps, say “Go for it, there’s a need for diversity in the leadership at ____ corporation”.
These are just small tips that could help you with your relationships to be more open minded, let’s strive to grow and encourage others by something as simple as the words that we say!
If you are like me then you never know what to get guy family members or that special guy in your life!
1. Tickets to music concerts or sporting events
This can be an expensive one but it’s great because you can secure them online just in time for the holidays!
2. Game systems and games/movie collection
If the guy you’re thinking of is tech savvy there may be a particular software like Photoshop or FinalCutPro that they are interested in but just haven’t purchased yet! Also tech items such as a new radio/speaker system for their car or GPS are great items to gift.
4. Certificate to their favorite car wash or detailing shop for 6 months to a year.
most guys treat their car like their child…if this is true for him he will love this!
If you aren’t against spending some big bucks there is nothing better or more classic than the perfect timepiece that is unique to your guy
1. Certificate to spa
Gift certificates can seem a bit impersonal but if you tailor it to that person’s needs it can be the perfect gift!
2. Automatic Makeup Brush Cleaner
I believe it is called the Lilumia…I will include the link to a YouTube video if you are interested.
3. Skin Rejuvenation System (clarisonic/spin brush)
Vanity planet has great deals right now on their spin brush and if you order online by midnight it is advertised that you could get it by Christmas!
4. Sirius XM or other Satellite radio subscription
This is a great and unique idea especially for those who travel a lot or commute a long way for their job
5. Subscription services for…anything
Examples include scentbird, FabFitFun, and CurlBox where they can receive monthly boxes with varieties of items. Best part about this is that you can secure it online. Usually all you will need is their email and home address!